Niceness an outdated virtue?

I’ve been watching some motivational videos, and video after video one thing that is striking by all life coaches is, ‘don’t be too nice.’ That just shakes the whole value system I have grown up with.

I realise the difference of being too nice and just nice, but look at the irony of the dark times we live in, where we are taught to be less nice if we don’t want anyone to take advantage of us.

I also saw a little snippet of a daily soap where they show a little child being vicious and villainous and knows all the conniving tricks, obviously taking cue from the mother. It got me thinking the impact playing this character will have on her personal life and how she will learn about all the immoral things humans do to make themselves better off. Does this child go home and think about her poor characterisation when she’s alone? Do thoughts of actual immortality cross her innocent mind and will she grow up taking any of those bad traits from her character? That the broadcast ministry should ban such shows is a long topic of debate for another day and time. These are things we are facing and it’s such a sorry time to live in.

Having said that, I am trying very hard and might have to take the help of some specialist to train myself into shedding some of my moral lessons of niceness if I want to live a good stress free life. Honestly, it’s already stressing me out and hence I am writing this.

I would really like to know what your thoughts are.

Much love.

#Guiltfree #NicenessByeBye


Have you ever encountered that friend, colleague, relative who gives you unsolicited advice, act cheap, gossip about you, criticise you to a point where you are left with your jaw on the floor? Isn’t ‘mutual respect’ a two-way street?

If the answer is yes, then it’s time for introspection as to what is it that you are doing that’s leading other people to misbehave with you.

I thought about it endlessly and I wasn’t able to identify a concrete reason, but I read a lot of material on why people are mean. ‘Don’t discuss your problems with people,’ and as the famous saying goes, 70% are glad you have them and 20% won’t bother. The minute you share a personal problem with someone you think you can trust, it’s a direct invite for your so-called well wishers to run you down. They rub salt on your injuries by acting superior or giving you unsolicited advice based on their perfect life and downplaying your accomplishments, health or any other crisis by saying, ‘it’s all in your head, you make things up.’

This also happens when we try hard to fit in a group, and that comes from our deep rooted need for validation. Don’t seek validation outside- you are your own person, start by loving yourself and do something that automatically boosts your confidence.

This is not to say that there are only bad apples in the world. Some people have a lot of empathy, compassion and they do really care. However, people are largely becoming brash, insensitive and treat your hardship as their entertainment.

If you have any such friend, relative, family member who fits in the above category, it’s time to leave. You could choose to be direct or simply limit your interactions to a bare minimum.

There are number of reasons why empaths are decreasing:

1- People are obviously letting someone down to make themselves feel better.

2- Simple jealously! It doesn’t require rocket science to spot that jealous pal who would wish hell to fall upon you, while they still can be very nice to you to your face.

3- The gossip mongerers. If they are maligning someone in front of you, be rest assured you are being maligned some place else too. So say no to any gossip- it can harm someone’s feelings and reputation.

4- I see a lot of people are so busy in dissecting other’s lives, that they forget about their own mental growth. What is mental growth? Reading, educating yourself and improving your quality of life.

5- Most people don’t believe in merit and think whatever you’ve achieved is an outcome of some jack or source. They are the ones who’ve inherited everything from their ancestors, hence that inferiority complex makes them nasty to anyone who is self made.

Classic example of this is the Bhakt vs Liberal debate amongst Indians. People are ready to sacrifice their relationships, and don’t hesitate calling you names just because you have a different opinion. 

Also when it happens to you, just make sure to:

1- Pray for their well being, as that shouldn’t let your soul power to deplete. Create good vibrations and protect your aura.

2-You could express your displeasure honestly and hope they take it in good spirit.

2- You can silently reduce contact. It’s better to have no friends than have toxic ones.

Any person who doesn’t contribute to your growth, mental, spiritual or emotional is anyway not worth sitting with.

Then there are people who expect you to be good hosts but will never take the helm. People who bother you with requests of a treat when something good happens with you, waste your time when it’s convenient for them, whine about their life, yet happily dine and wine at your cost without any shame and never think it’s appropriate for them to reciprocate. They crawl silently into your life like a poor version of Sherlock Holmes, to find out what’s happening in your life, what all you possess and how they can now sabotage your reputation. You need to get rid of such people ASAP.

It’s sad that relationships are fast losing their meaning. But hey, grab that book or a YouTube video and other educational material and you have a friend, family without any malice.

#FriendsOrFoes #StopFeedingBadEnergy #MeanPeople #Friends #LifeRules